are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
