i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
