Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
