just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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