If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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