i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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