JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize