You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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