I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize