I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
