Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
