I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
