yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
