That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Welp...herpes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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