He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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