Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
