There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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