Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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