Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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