The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
