I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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