So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
