He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
