i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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