Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
