Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
