Im at strip club and am horny
She's JV to your varsity
Yo dont text me then not text me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
