Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
