Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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