I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
