Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
