i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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