what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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