Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
