Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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