I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
