Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
