If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
