Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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