Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
