Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
