totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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