I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
