You're my little dorito
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize