my vag is so smooth its legendary
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
