Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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