We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
