So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
