R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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