I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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