all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
