I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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