Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
