We got so high we made milksteak
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
