Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
