I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
