gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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