An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
