If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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