YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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