4 words: hood of his car
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
