Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
