i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
