he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
