So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
