Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
