Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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