she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
