Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
