why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
