And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
