One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
