Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
