If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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