Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
