apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
