Define "chronic" masturbator.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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