I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
