she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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