Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
