Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize